As I am writing this, we are celebrating the 4th of July- Independence Day. The irony is not lost on me- on a day that we observe our nation’s self-reliance, I am writing about how much we need each other
I grew up pretty independent. It partly rooted in my own determination, but also impatience and maybe a little pride to show that I could do it myself. I have many memories of launching into new things stubbornly determined to “make it happen”. Can you relate?
As I raised my 4 children, my husband and I weathered many seasons of them venturing out on their own in many different ways (sending them off on their first day of school, the first solo driving trip, college, dating….and so many more). But sprinkled in between were seasons of dependence- support, guidance and even a safe place to call home.
In my mind’s eye, the idea of independence conjures an image of a lone, determined person- facing the future with confidence that success is in their hands. (Picture the image of a lone image standing confidently on a mountain-top; shoulders squared, chin up, leaning into the great unknown).
I think we need to debunk this myth.
While addressing the myth of independence, I first need to say that independence and personal responsibility are not the same. In today’s culture we talked a lot about these two things as if they are synonymous. I don’t believe that by admitting we need each other, we are canceling out our own personal responsibility in any context. This is foundational to a healthy thriving community. We all have an important part to play. Your contribution and my contribution not only matters, it is much needed.
Our ability to accomplish anything is not something we innately own.
Reflecting back, I realize that so much of my confidence to say “I can do this” was based on what I had learned from and observed in others. Thoughtful advice, practice sessions and stories of other’s hard-learned lessons all factored into my deciding I could venture out.
Our ability (whatever the context) is dependent on others. Not necessarily in the sense that we are dependent on their action to accomplish our goal (“I can’t do this unless you give me ________”), but more in the gleaning and gathering of skill, knowledge, wisdom that comes from observing and learning from each other. Whether it is the practical things of life (how-to) or the “soft skills” that we need to operate successfully in our space, we don’t come by these without investment from someone else.
So while we celebrate independence- as a nation and even in our culture- it seems fitting to also recognize that our ability to accomplish anything is not something we innately own. It is a skill we have developed because of the investment of others. We need each other. We need community. We need relationship. For the good of others and also for our own good.
What are your thoughts on this? Has the forced isolation of the recent pandemic opened our eyes to our need to be present and supportive of each other? Do you personally feel a need for support and encouragement from those around you? Drop a note in the comments. I would love to hear your thoughts!